“Why did you stay”?
This is the question I hate to be asked more than any other. Why did you stay in a psychologically abusive relationship, twice? You know what? To this present day I ask myself the very same, even though the second relationship ended eight years ago…
My car was parked right in front of the house. He was gone often enough. I could have packed up the most important things, grab my puppy girl and leave. Plenty of chances. But I stayed. The sad thing is, that if it weren’t for my mom, getting me out of there, I would probably still be this man’s prisoner today. He conditioned my brain into thinking:
that I’m not lovable.
that I can’t do anything.
that he is the only one, able to put up with me.
that my family is thrilled to be rid of me.
that I’m nothing but a burden to society.
that I’m stupid
…and so forth
I don’t think that I will ever be able to sufficiently explain what it was like to be manipulated and to live with these invisible chains. This man cut me off from everyone I knew and made me believe, that I could not live without him and his loving care. A few years ago, I was in an online support group for a short while, with people sharing similar experiences. After the failure of so-called therapy, it was my way of trying to make sense of this “relationship” and to try and find closure. One thing we agreed upon was, that it is difficult [if at all possible] to explain “the why” to people who’ve never been conditioned, threatened and controlled by a partner. This is the kind of experience I would not wish on my worst enemy. It may come across as overly dramatic, but I think the only way to fully understand these invisible chains, or how much psychological abuse changes you and wares you down would be, to experience it. But again, I don’t wish that helplessness and pain, the self doubt and fear for anyone. May love and kindness embrace you, always❣️
Trivialities & Intricacies 