Tag: Communication

Social Circus

Published on by ClaudiaLeave a comment

Okay. It is high time to win the lottery, to buy a private island and put D I S T A N C E between the other people and myself. The “art” of socially interacting seems to be a lost cause for me at this point, it’s hopeless. I’m damn near done trying, to put it bluntly. Misunderstandings are among my greatest struggles, when interacting with others. Yes, I know that autistic people [most, if not all of them to various degrees] run on a different operating system from that of the neurotypicals. Still I’m convinced, that communicating clearly appears to be a problem overall. It starts within the family. If they would just say what it is they truly mean or want, instead of hoping, that I get lucky and read between the lines correctly for once, our daily lives could be a bit easier. What’s this all leading up to? Another episode of me attempting social interaction, featuring yours truly: a misunderstanding. Because it kept me up most of the night, being disappointed in myself and frustrated, I’ll write about it now, hoping to get it out of my system…

It started with a WhatsApp message from our neighbor lady. She told me, that she would like to join us for our evening dog walks more often, beginning Sunday night. What she meant is, that some night after Sunday she wants to walk with us. What I understood is, that she wants to join us on Sunday night and other evenings going forward [yep, I’m guilty, and don’t I know it!?]. After exchanging some details with regard to the time and route, I thought that we’d meet up on Sunday night for our first walk together with the dogs. And yes, I was looking forward to it, because usually it is very enjoyable. There were no more messages after her final response, being “Okay got it. Thanks”. Sunday night, at the mentioned time, she was nowhere in sight, so I walked across the street towards her house. She was outside, watering the plants. And you guessed correctly, I was confused. She looked at me and said, almost accusatory “I’m not coming with you guys tonight, I just got home”. Oh, right! And I should know that, because…..? Am I her personal assistant? Do I run her daily schedule from sunrise to sundown, knowing where she is and what she’s up to? What the fluff!? Whatever. My mom told me to let it go, knowing full well, that wasn’t going to happen.
What peeves me so much is the fact, that most often I get blamed, because I’m the autistic person, who misunderstands everything, all of the time. They never consider the possibility of not having communicated their thoughts and intentions clearly enough. Just blame the “odd one”, who doesn’t grasp the concept anyway, and the whole annoying topic can be dismissed.

Once and for all, I very enthusiastically want to encourage all of you neurotypicals to get one fact through your thick skulls: being autistic does not equal being stupid!

It’s so damn easy and convenient for you, to blame the other [socially challenged] person. But self reflection never hurt anyone, especially when you know, that the person you are having a conversation with struggles with social cues and the ability to “read between the lines”. Internalize, please!

What’s The Point?

Published on by ClaudiaLeave a comment
Daily writing prompt
Who would you like to talk to soon?
View all responses

Okay, I’m going to approach this question from a different angle. Keeping in mind, that I don’t have any clinical studies to back my thoughts up with, but it appears to me, that we are unlearning the ability to [actively] listen to one another. Especially ever since smart phones do just about everything, except make a cup of coffee [exaggerated to drive my point home]. Be honest, how many times have you seen this, especially among the young people: they sit at the same table and have a chat via cell phone and one of those annoying apps [for example]. Instead of verbally communicating, they write text messages, with their fingers moving across those tiny letters in high speed. Add some emojis for additional charme and we have our new form of communication. Take all of those entertainment apps, with short videos and pictures. Everything needs to be easy, colorful, funny and quick to absorb. That doesn’t do any favors to our attention span, does it? And it is noticeable in face to face conversations, time and again. During social interactions – that I could not successfully avoid – it becomes apparent to me increasingly often. We wait [im-]patiently for the other person to finish, just so we can finally have our turn to speak. I catch myself disappointingly often, realizing afterwards, that I “heard the other person talking“, but did I really pay attention from start to finish? Did I really listen and understand what was being said? Or did it require too much energy already to be respectful and patient, while the other person with whom I’m having a conversation, ended communicating their thoughts? Did I only pretend to be interested to begin with, but blamed it on my short attention span as an excuse, and to make myself feel better for not “actively” listening?
I’m probably wrong, anyway. Progress is a good thing, overall. But as it all unfolds now, we haven’t done ourselves any favors with cell phones and how they seem to “control” our lives. With regard to communication we definitely need to get back to the basics. No offense intended, it is just my humble opinion based upon what I see – on the rare occasion that I leave my house.
Have a lovely weekend, everyone!!