In hindsight, I’ve never been able to discern certain negative personality traits and behaviors as troublesome red flags, unless such conduct was so “painfully obvious”, that even a socially challenged, autistic person like me could recognize it. To this present day I misunderstand, or incorrectly judge other people’s intentions with me. That inability to clearly identify such red flags got me into unbecoming situations, or friend- and relationships more often, than I care to admit.
What I have instead, is my intuition. It was a bit of a learning process, to listen and place value into what that little whisper from within tried to warn me about. I’m sure that I missed out on meeting some truly nice people, because I ended up not giving them a chance. They might have turned into amazing friends, it is my loss. Sadly, after some of the experiences of the past, I prefer to steer clear of people, rather than ending up with the “wrong person” in my life one more time.
Tag: Behavior
What’s One More?
Several days ago I wrote about an intrusive neighbor lady, who really pushed me a bit too far with regard to Lilly. I don’t know, if other dog parents ever ‘put her in her place’, but I did and it appears to me, that she did not like that. Sorry, but if you so eagerly give your unsolicited opinion, you always run the risk of meeting someone like me. Tough sh!t for you. The world is harsh, deal with it any way you need to. Two evenings ago this woman came walking towards us yet again [ugh] and I prepared myself for drama. Instead, she walked in the street while passing us by, to put a ridiculous amount of distance between herself and us. There was no greeting, not a smile or even a look of acknowledgement. Very mature, but okay, suit yourself.
I shared this encounter with my mom. She said [as always] that I should be ‘the grown-up’ and apologize to her. What? Why? Just because I don’t let some self proclaimed wanna-be-dog-whisperer tell me how to interact with my dog? What the fudge? But of course, straight away my mom fires the standard statements at me, when she runs out of arguments that make any type of sense including, but certainly not limited to…
“Well you probably misunderstood what she meant”
“You take everything so seriously”
“That was your autism kicking into high gear”
“You always overreact like this”
“You need to control yourself”
“You have no idea how to deal with other people”
I should just know it by now. In my mom’s opinion I’m always the problem. It’s never the other person. Gosh, I’m just tired of it, honestly. Only because I told a random woman to mind her own business, basically. Well, another person added to my list of enemies. What’s one more, right?
A-Z Challenge: Imitator
To begin with it is important to mention, that every autistic person has their individual set of challenges. If I understand correctly, however, quite a few of them imitate reactions and behaviors they see displayed by their peers, in an effort to learn. Count me in. Now some folks may label this as “seriously creepy conduct”. If you are one of them, do tell me how you would learn how to fit in with regard to social situations? What would be your strategy instead?
Since childhood, I’ve been watching people closely, without ever knowing, that doing so is not “standard practice”. My parents prepared me for life to the best of their abilities, always wondering about certain behaviors and reactions. I am not sure, how well known autism was in the 70’s, but no one ever thought to “shove me into that drawer” back then. Was this a blessing or a curse? In hindsight, life might have been easier in more ways than one, if I could have had therapy or some form of training to help me learn, what neurotypicals “just know”, or understand without effort. Especially social situations were an overwhelming mystery to me. And I started watching and imitating behaviors of others. Everything I learned was “filed away for future reference”, whenever needed and “hopefully” appropriate. To this day, I watch and imitate other people. Fortunately, I’m at that point in my life now [that old age], that I can judge unavoidable social situations better, and how to react properly. The stored away behaviors I choose to utilize, will now have my own spin and personality added. But it was a long way of getting there.
Trivialities & Intricacies 