Tag: Autism

Social Circus

Published on by ClaudiaLeave a comment

Okay. It is high time to win the lottery, to buy a private island and put D I S T A N C E between the other people and myself. The “art” of socially interacting seems to be a lost cause for me at this point, it’s hopeless. I’m damn near done trying, to put it bluntly. Misunderstandings are among my greatest struggles, when interacting with others. Yes, I know that autistic people [most, if not all of them to various degrees] run on a different operating system from that of the neurotypicals. Still I’m convinced, that communicating clearly appears to be a problem overall. It starts within the family. If they would just say what it is they truly mean or want, instead of hoping, that I get lucky and read between the lines correctly for once, our daily lives could be a bit easier. What’s this all leading up to? Another episode of me attempting social interaction, featuring yours truly: a misunderstanding. Because it kept me up most of the night, being disappointed in myself and frustrated, I’ll write about it now, hoping to get it out of my system…

It started with a WhatsApp message from our neighbor lady. She told me, that she would like to join us for our evening dog walks more often, beginning Sunday night. What she meant is, that some night after Sunday she wants to walk with us. What I understood is, that she wants to join us on Sunday night and other evenings going forward [yep, I’m guilty, and don’t I know it!?]. After exchanging some details with regard to the time and route, I thought that we’d meet up on Sunday night for our first walk together with the dogs. And yes, I was looking forward to it, because usually it is very enjoyable. There were no more messages after her final response, being “Okay got it. Thanks”. Sunday night, at the mentioned time, she was nowhere in sight, so I walked across the street towards her house. She was outside, watering the plants. And you guessed correctly, I was confused. She looked at me and said, almost accusatory “I’m not coming with you guys tonight, I just got home”. Oh, right! And I should know that, because…..? Am I her personal assistant? Do I run her daily schedule from sunrise to sundown, knowing where she is and what she’s up to? What the fluff!? Whatever. My mom told me to let it go, knowing full well, that wasn’t going to happen.
What peeves me so much is the fact, that most often I get blamed, because I’m the autistic person, who misunderstands everything, all of the time. They never consider the possibility of not having communicated their thoughts and intentions clearly enough. Just blame the “odd one”, who doesn’t grasp the concept anyway, and the whole annoying topic can be dismissed.

Once and for all, I very enthusiastically want to encourage all of you neurotypicals to get one fact through your thick skulls: being autistic does not equal being stupid!

It’s so damn easy and convenient for you, to blame the other [socially challenged] person. But self reflection never hurt anyone, especially when you know, that the person you are having a conversation with struggles with social cues and the ability to “read between the lines”. Internalize, please!

A-Z Challenge: Imitator

Published on by Claudia2 Comments

To begin with it is important to mention, that every autistic person has their individual set of challenges. If I understand correctly, however, quite a few of them imitate reactions and behaviors they see displayed by their peers, in an effort to learn. Count me in. Now some folks may label this as “seriously creepy conduct”. If you are one of them, do tell me how you would learn how to fit in with regard to social situations? What would be your strategy instead?
Since childhood, I’ve been watching people closely, without ever knowing, that doing so is not “standard practice”. My parents prepared me for life to the best of their abilities, always wondering about certain behaviors and reactions. I am not sure, how well known autism was in the 70’s, but no one ever thought to “shove me into that drawer” back then. Was this a blessing or a curse? In hindsight, life might have been easier in more ways than one, if I could have had therapy or some form of training to help me learn, what neurotypicals “just know”, or understand without effort. Especially social situations were an overwhelming mystery to me. And I started watching and imitating behaviors of others. Everything I learned was “filed away for future reference”, whenever needed and “hopefully” appropriate. To this day, I watch and imitate other people. Fortunately, I’m at that point in my life now [that old age], that I can judge unavoidable social situations better, and how to react properly. The stored away behaviors I choose to utilize, will now have my own spin and personality added. But it was a long way of getting there.

A-Z Challenge: Changes

Published on by ClaudiaLeave a comment

In the grand scheme of things, change is generally a good thing. Without making adjustments as needed, we would never have progressed and evolved to the living standards and conditions we do have today. It takes an open mind and a good portion of curiosity to fully embrace changes.

On a personal level, changes present a challenge. This is partly due to Asperger Autism. Routines and schedules are good friends of mine, because they act as a safety net. Ideally, when something differs from my daily routine, I know exactly what’s happening, at what time, how long it will take, who will be involved….you get the idea. The more information I have, prior to whatever will occur out of the ordinary, the better, because I can (try to) mentally prepare myself. Most often, that makes a positive difference, but it still depends on how I’m doing overall on that particular day. Now heaven forbid something changes last minute, then “Housten, we have a problem”, and crap starts rolling downhill right quick. It frightens me time and again, how fast a nervous or agitated mood can turn into a full on panic mode. Often the lesser, but equally negative response, to last minute changes is anger. That happens, for example, when the handyman is due to arrive at 10 AM to repair something, but doesn’t show up at 10 AM sharp. Another example would be, that we have coffee and cake at 4 PM every afternoon. That is a constant since childhood. Up until about a year ago, it was a minor crisis for me, if we had coffee at 4.15 PM or any other time. Seems ridiculous, I know. And trust me, my mom “challenges me daily”, to help me learn a bit more flexibility and tolerance for such small changes. By now I can manage “the coffee crisis” a lot better, but it does take a considerable amount of conscious effort, to keep my grumpiness in check. So, while I understand that changes are a positive thing overall, it can be quite a challenge every day, to accept and deal with them accordingly.