“The moment you feel you have to prove your worth to someone is the moment to absolutely and utterly walk away.“ – Alysia Harris Note to self: Please internalize!
From now on I will share a quote every Sunday. Why? Because they’ve become important to me over the years. They are reminders, self discoveries, something to chew on, or maybe something to smile about, but always relevant to me personally in one way or the other. And why shouldn’t they be valuable to you, too? A few kind words never hurt, do they? See you on Sunday, if you like.
Nighttime is my time, the joy of darkness and silence all around me…ahh, wonderful. No more to-do-lists, no people to disturb, the computer is shut down for the day, no annoying neighbors playing with every power tool they own, small children are happily off in la-la-land, no demands or expectations, no more overwhelm. It’s just one small source of light [most often], my favorite songs and myself. Slowly, the wall of protection I build around myself throughout the day, begins to crack and crumble to bits and pieces. The feeling of being restricted fades rather quickly, and breathing deeply becomes much easier. My most used and much disliked accessory, ‘the mask’ can finally be taken off, and I shift from ‘auto pilot’ to my pure and basic self. There are plenty of joyous moments every day, but one of my favorites is definitely this time at night.
It is high time to shut the computer down, when I become inattentive and fidgety. Since I don’t use instagram or another one of those ‘ever present’ apps, my phone is always in the same place. When I happen to walk by, I check for new notifications [WhatsApp usually], respond if necessary and then continue on with my day. In fact, my neighbor lady ‘encouraged’ me a few times already to check the phone more often, as it takes me too long to respond back. That should tell you, lol. What do I do to unplug? Anything that involves movement, honestly. If the weather is nice I go for a walk. Other than that, there’s always something to do/clean in my apartment – not that it’s fun or anything, but it needs to be done as well. Another great option is a ride on my stationary bike, while listening to my favorite songs.
I would call it a mutual vibe and the willingness to open up. It is an equal interest to dig deeper, to strengthen and develop the friendship further. In other words it’s all in, or not at all. If you need a label for this, find one yourself.
No matter if the task or project to be done is self chosen, or given to me by someone else, I do the best I can. Rarely do I meet or exceed my own expectations of myself. That’s why I have given up on trying new things, because I am not satisfied with what I am able to achieve. Is what I do good enough for others? You’ll be the judge:
“Well, you tried your best”. “It’s okay, but you could have done a little bit better”. “I expected more from you”.
So I guess the answer for today’s question needs to be “Nothing, really”!
Okay, I’m going to approach this question from a different angle. Keeping in mind, that I don’t have any clinical studies to back my thoughts up with, but it appears to me, that we are unlearning the ability to [actively] listen to one another. Especially ever since smart phones do just about everything, except make a cup of coffee [exaggerated to drive my point home]. Be honest, how many times have you seen this, especially among the young people: they sit at the same table and have a chat via cell phone and one of those annoying apps [for example]. Instead of verbally communicating, they write text messages, with their fingers moving across those tiny letters in high speed. Add some emojis for additional charme and we have our new form of communication. Take all of those entertainment apps, with short videos and pictures. Everything needs to be easy, colorful, funny and quick to absorb. That doesn’t do any favors to our attention span, does it? And it is noticeable in face to face conversations, time and again. During social interactions – that I could not successfully avoid – it becomes apparent to me increasingly often. We wait [im-]patiently for the other person to finish, just so we can finally have our turn to speak. I catch myself disappointingly often, realizing afterwards, that I “heard the other person talking“, but did I really pay attention from start to finish? Did I really listen and understand what was being said? Or did it require too much energy already to be respectful and patient, while the other person with whom I’m having a conversation, ended communicating their thoughts? Did I only pretend to be interested to begin with, but blamed it on my short attention span as an excuse, and to make myself feel better for not “actively” listening? I’m probably wrong, anyway. Progress is a good thing, overall. But as it all unfolds now, we haven’t done ourselves any favors with cell phones and how they seem to “control” our lives. With regard to communication we definitely need to get back to the basics. No offense intended, it is just my humble opinion based upon what I see – on the rare occasion that I leave my house. Have a lovely weekend, everyone!!
The items most dear to me are related to Aubree. They include a blanket that I made for her for Christmas in 2012. She loved to snuggle up on or in it, especially during the very cold Wisconsin winter months. Another precious keepsake for me, is Aubree’s last plush toy. It is a dog, that she didn’t really play with anymore in the last year of her life. But she loved to use him as a pillow, and brought him everywhere. Now, a year and a half later, he is a great comfort to me and sits on my couch, always ready to catch my tears when I miss my little angel. I also made two picture books with precious memories of our 13 years together. And even though I carry them in my heart, it is still nice to look at the photos of her.
Another item of great value is my heavily used, quite beaten and scratched up iPod. Because right along with dogs, music is the greatest source of happiness and comfort in my life.
My rather short list of personal belongings, that I hold most dear may not seem significant or valuable, but they mean the world to me.
Since having lost all of my belongings two decades ago, including my much loved cd collection, any interest or passion for collecting nice things is gone. That is likely due to an underlying fear of potentially losing everything again.
My vacation just ended yesterday morning and I miss her already, the lovely Vasco da Gama. She brought us safely from Athens to Dubrovnik, with various beautiful destinations in between. Finally, late this afternoon, I unpacked my suitcase. For some reason I could not bring myself to begin. And no, not because of the dirty laundry that needs to be dealt with in the coming days. But maybe because then I have to admit to myself, that this fantastic experience is over yet again? I probably should not share this – but you know by now, that I’m too honest for my own good most often. Yesterday morning in Dubrovnik, while watching the last “vacation sunrise” on deck 6 before deboarding the ship, I could not stop the tears from spilling over, because I did not want this vacation to end. You think that I act like a five-year-old, do you? Well go right ahead, but it doesn’t change the fact. This could have kept going until the day I fall over dead. Seriously. Waking up in the morning to discover a new destination all day, and to gather fantastic, lasting impressions is amazing. And it actually confirmed my suspicion once again, being, that I’m not the “stationary type”, at least not, if I am to be truly happy. Overall, it was a wonderful vacation. But even this time, there were a few “hiccups”. It is a disappointing and incredibly sad fact, that most of the eastern european countries have a lot of stray dogs and cats. Unfortunately, in Albania and Montenegro I had to witness that with my own eyes. Being a huge dog lover, this was a horrific and absolutely heart breaking experience. Without being naive, I was hoping that I would not be confronted with this, because it is one thing to read an article or to see a documentary about it. Having to see it with your own eyes is quite another. The thought of so many of those beautiful, sweet animals not having a safe and loving home opens the flood gates instantly, but I will never be a witness to this first hand again, if I can help it. During our Saturday excursion, the fact that I saw a few stray animals, set the stage for a major panic attack that evening. It was emotionally exhausting and even more embarrassing. Although, I just wanted to forget about it, the staff was so unbelievably sweet and caring. Days later, they still asked me how I was feeling and if I needed anything, so empathic and kind. Regardless, what a flipping fuss over me and my dang issues, good heavens. Quite a few of the other guests on this cruise were a catastrophy, to be sure. And I have to say it very harshly: I can’t remember a time or situation when I was more embarrassed to be German, than during this vacation. The behavior displayed was that of a five-year-old child. Unbelievable. They were complaining about every tired, boring thing not being 100% to their liking. Everyone was giving their best to make our vacation as fantastic as possible for us, but the ever nagging Germans can’t be pleased with anything. Not to mention that they, of course, would have done it all differently and certainly much better. And yes, they have to let everyone know, how it would have been done correctly, whether or not you want to hear about it is all the same to them. There were a few truly mortifying situations. During one of our excursions I even ended up apologizing to our tour guide for the rude and confrontational behavior of the people in my group. Imagine that. Yep, that’s how bad it was. Okay, enough of that. Let’s enjoy some pictures instead…
Trivialities & Intricacies 
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