Gosh, it used to be of utmost importance, that others perceive me as a jovial and pleasant person, someone, they’d like to be around and spend time with. Interestingly enough, the harder I tried to give off a good first impression, the more my efforts seemed to backfire. The feedback I received was rather negative. Most often I was told, that my behavior came across as rehearsed and artificial [which it was, and remains to be due to autism]. And still, that criticism felt like a punch to the gut for all my “hard work”. From then on, I started to be more authentic. That wasn’t necessarily well received either, but I began feeling more like myself instead of a performer.
Nowadays I can’t claim indifference about how others perceive me, but I’m not putting on the “out-in-public-performance-mask” anymore. I’ve learned throughout the years, that I’m not “everybody’s cup of tea” and that’s okay because I don’t aspire to be. No one’s arm is being twisted to like me. Trying to be true to myself is the ticket, I think. Those around me always have the option to either take me the way I am, or to steer clear. Have a lovely Sunday!!
Trivialities & Intricacies 